LIGHTNING BEAT-MAN
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| Lightning Beat-Man, in his youth, during one of his daily television brainwashing sermons, was exposed to an Elvis Presley performance. From this moment on, he realized his purpose here on this forsaken planet. At the frustrating age of 13, Lightning Beat-Man received his first acoustic guitar from his father. He began experimenting with unorthodox tunings and chords structures, which he still adapts to his present chaotic, primitive technique. By 1986 and no longer inspired by the local punk rock movement, LIGHTNING BEAT-MAN started a band called THE MONSTERS. Inspired by the likes of the deranged 50's artists Hasil Adkins and Jack Starr, THE MONSTERS madness continued to explode from their potent 2 minute songs and LIGHTNING BEAT-MAN's horrifying lyrics of necrophilia, mass murder and sexual perversion. Unable to satisfy his desire to Rock'n'Roll, LIGHTNING BEAT-MAN began a solo career as the "one man band", performing the act of driver, rowdy and opening act for all kinds of bands. LIGHTNING BEAT-MAN has become a household word around Europe. Much like Clark Kent, this mild mannered man transforms himself into a Rock'n'Roll superman wearing a Mexican wrestling mask, boxing shorts, a Dracula's cape and a pair of army boots. LIGHTNING BEAT-MAN's voodoo inspired mask ritual allows him to enter into another dimension, changing himself from an average chump into a lust-crazed mad man. A masked murdering freak with a acoustic guitar instead of a chainsaw. He'll scoop your eyeballs out with his guitar pick, crush your weak little skull with his vice like headlock and then pin you down in the wrestling ring of life. Like most, you'll be knocked out before you even know what fuckin'hit you. Winner and still champion, LIGHTNING BEAT-MAN gives no mercy and no compromise whatsoever. Bearing no regard to other current musical styles, LIGHTNING BEAT-MAN has his own path to stalk. He is throbbing and drooling through his recordings like a peeping Tom watching through your window while you wipe your ass. He fantasized about how to distort the minds of other humans enough to where hopefully, maybe some would understand him, but this kind of insanity can never be understood. Lobotomy bound, LIGHTNING-BEAT-MAN's lunatic ways will never change. And all we know is we get to experience someone at the edge of hell willing to come back to tell us how it reeks there. Dig it while you got the chance! Lightning Beat-Man toured Europe a few times, also worked as rowdy and support act for several bands alone as the Wrestling Elvis and together with Dink winkerton, his manager and boyfriend. He was also a part of the huge Bad Taste Rock'n'Roll Revue and also toured Spain as front singer for Las Monjitas del fuzz (Dr.Explosion). In 1998 Lightning Beat-Man toured for the first time with his backing band the Never Heard of 'Ems. |
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| The Never Heard of 'Ems How did Lightning Beat-Man find the fabulous Never Heard of 'Ems combo? Dink Winkerton was found washed up at the Betty Ford Clinic recovering from an LSD overdose. Dink has worked his distorted slide guitar skills with various Rock'n'roll bands such as the Rolling Gallstones, O.J. and the dead white people, as well as hosting his own TV. entertainment series 'Dink's Wig-O-Rama'. In 1973 unfortunately, his career was cut to an end when he was arrested in the Pineapple Room at the Holliday Inn in Peoria, Illinois for possession of 17 sheets of 'Bubble Puppy' blotter acid. Lightning Beat-Man saved Dinks show biz life by persuading the mental hospital to leave him in the custody of "the Lightning Beat-Man home for the retarded and Tasteless" , where Dink currently resides. And what about Gringo Starr, an Apartment Wrestling icon! Mr. Starr had been serving a 13-year prison term for corrupting the mind and genitals of a 9-year old boy during a domestic apartment grapple. Lightning Beat-Man generously put up the bail of 10'000 Pesos and a goat for Starr's mishap in the Dominican Republic. According to Lightning Beat-Man, Gringo's natural ability to wrestle with a drum set was a perfect match for his former arch enemy Duro Duro. Since then, Gringo has teamed up with such downright upbeat combos as, the Atomic Pile Drivers, the Tire Biters and of course the now infamous Johnny Coat-hanger and the Abortions. On the other hand, the story of Duro Duro is not as sweet as that of the Never Heard of 'Ems. Duro Duro is an unwilling member of the band due to the fact that he's been forced to perform under contractual agreement out of his control. After loosing over one hundred battles to Lightning Beat-Man in his early days as a nightclub Wrestler/Go Go Dancer, Duro Duro's gambling fever caught up with him. A losing bet with Satan led Duro Duro to sign a pact with Lightning Beat-Man for eternal slavery and sexual domination. Since Duro Duro was also a mind-blowing Bass guitar player, Lightning Beat-Man demanded Duro Duro's bombastic bass skills to hypnotize and save the planet. |
